Sunday, March 30, 2014

Fed by a Portly Angel Wizard Chef

This week was a busy and exciting one. We had a lot of investigators
ditch us this week. The lessons that did come through were very good

We got the new 2013 editions of the Book of Mormon this week as well.
Our proselyting materials are now fully up to date. They are pretty

Our dinner last night was the most fantastic repast that I have ever
imagined in my feverish dreams. Words cannot describe the experience
that was dinner with the Sorensons. Bro. Sorenson wanted to be a
professional chef when life took him in another direction. We had
rosemary roasted chicken and all sorts of other spices I have never
heard of. Things like orange honey carrots, ginger something, Brussels
sprouts roasted in the juices of unicorn laughs, and mashed potatoes
that were milked from the clouds of a heavenly tuber bovine.

But that isn't the last of it. He invented, INVENTED, two desserts
yesterday morning. The best banana cream pie this universe has known
and a chocolate pie he twisted out of another, more delicious

In short, Bro. Sorenson is an angel. He is a wizard. He commands the
elements of food like the Egyptian god of nourishment.

In other news, I found a copy of A Marvelous Work and a Wonder for a
buck at a random thrift store. Interesting things you can find around

Elder Gillies slammed his thumb in his weight machine. It turned blue
immediately. He couldn't use it for two days. We are anxiously
awaiting the death and dismissal of his nail.

The Sister that we gave a blessing to has cancer. A tumor on the side
of her lung made a hole, and that's where the fluid came from. She was
actually happy, because now it gives the ward and the missionaries to
go over to her house and talk to her less-active husband. She is

We are beginning to meet with a less-active family whose daughter
recently attempted suicide. They are in a hard place. We have a lot of
good we can do. They have two enormous dogs and a border collie.

We also discovered this week that elder Berry, Mitchell, Gillies and I
sound great together when we sing. Awesome, in fact. We are going to
start a boy band. We haven't come up with a name yet, but we are
leaning towards "The Other Direction."

I got a haircut his week. A conservative pompadour. I like it a lot. The guy at Hairway to Heaven does missionaries for free.  He used to be in construction and then decided to switch to hair styling.  Interesting guy.

Also last night, we had a stake fireside/church tour for recent
converts and investigators. The fireside was very spiritual. Bro.
Johnson from our ward, who also is in the stake Presidency, gave an
amazing talk about how God is in the details of our lives. A lady he
helped through a divorce moved to he other side of the country. Then
his inactive sister in law moved to the same ward. The First Lady
became the visiting teacher of his sister in law. She walked into a
church building for the first time in twenty years for the women's
meeting. Cool stuff.

Marysville is awesome.

- Elder Hyde

Monday, March 24, 2014

Night of the Living Geese

This was a very eventful week. We picked up several new investigators,
most of which have houses and aren't addicted to drugs.

Speaking of drugs, Elder Gillies and I got a little bit stoned this
week. We were teaching a couple black dudes on the street, when one of
them pulled out a blunt (a cigarillo with weed inside) and started
smoking up a storm. They wouldn't let us leave immediately, so when we
got home we just felt really chill, and pretty much don't remember the
hour after that.

I got a speedometer for my bike this week. We average about 15 miles a
day, and 9 mph. Pretty cool.

The Linda side of the ward had a baptism this week. Dustin. His wife
Monique is trying to get back into church.

We were able to give a blessing to a lady in the hospital this week.
She is an older member of the ward. She was traveling in Utah when she
picked up a cough. When she got back here, she went to the doctor and
found out her left lung was three quarters full of fluid. Hopefully
she will be okay.

We almost got attacked by geese is week. There is a lake in the centre
of Marysville called Ellis Lake. There resides a myriad of waterfowl.
They are so used to people that they are not afraid of anything. So
when we are riding our bikes 15 miles an hour around the lake, and a
goose is just sitting in the middle, it won't move. At all. You have
to run up to it and hiss at it to get it to leave. Then we made the
mistake of feeding them. Literally every goose in the entire lake
showed up, then tried to attack to get the food.

I would attach pictures, but I am emailing from the iPad.

There is this guy that lives across from the other missionaries. His
name is Shaun Johnson. Unfortunately, he is not as nice to look at as
the Olympic gymnast, but he makes up for it in charisma and drug
abuse. He is very entertaining and he likes us. Too bad there are a
lot of prostitutes and drug deals in that complex, otherwise we would
hang out there more.

The missionaries from Linda made the front page of the Appeal-Democrat
yesterday. They just happened to be biking by the construction site
they were doing a piece on.

In other news, a couple of high school kids got hit by a train a few
nights ago. It was the sadie Hawkins dance and they were taking the
short cut to the dollar store from he high school. I'm sure you can
find more online.

Quote of the week: When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade!
Make life take the lemons back! Demand to see Life's manager! I don't
want your lemons! Do you know who I am? I'm the guy who's gonna burn
your house down! With the lemons!"

- Elder Hyde

Monday, March 17, 2014

The Kingdom of Forgotten Souls

This week, while Elder Gillies and I were exploring, we came across something very interesting.
What you see is a satellite view of the Kingdom of Forgotten Souls. There are around 40 shacks and garbage castles in this area. It is eerily silent. We were looking for a shortcut, but instead we found a whole village of homeless. There are a few less actives there, and a lot of interested people. 

All those little blue areas are tarp houses, and there are a lot of shacks that you can't see in this picture. Some are really nice, and some are just piles of garbage. 

I hit a year this week. A year! We are going to a sweet little chinese place this week. It is called Szechwan Chinese in China Town in Marysville. We have gone there before, and they are awesome. 
It is totally family run. And all the food is handmade, none of this Sysco freezer food.

We also almost got jumped by a gang this week. It's a good thing they were posers and we were going twenty miles an hour on our bikes. Some fat mexican kid with a ponytail down to his butt ran towards me yelling "Triple C **** **** ******* **** **** *** *** **!" But since I was going twenty miles an hour, he didn't get close. He did punch Gillies in the arm though. Triple C is a super Ghetto apartment complex in Linda. Bunch of tards. 

Elder Gillies and Elder Clayburn (meatheads) went on exchanges together this week. Quite an adventure they had. Illegally "rescued" 7 baby ducks and a cat. The cat won't leave our apartment alone now. 

We also found some sweet graffiti under the bridge to Yuba City.
Pretty sweet, huh?

The one super awesome investigator from last week didn't show up to his lesson. So hopefully we can still get a hold of him.

- Elder Hyde

Monday, March 10, 2014

Ben Stein Confessional

We reactivated an investigator this week. He was an investigator a year or more ago. We went to house, and it seemed like no one was home, but we waited around anyway. The actual front door was open, but the security gate was closed and locked. We call those confession doors, because you can't see anybody past them.

He came to the door, and didn't open the confession door. We started talking, and he sounds exactly like Ben Stein. Very educated, very monotone, and from what I could tell, has the same glasses. So we may actually be teaching Ben Stein this next week.

He talked a lot to us about theology. He has read the Book of Mormon already, as well as the Bible and the Koran. He is earnestly seeking for truth. Something that he said gives me hope: "Jesus said that false prophets would come, but he didn't say that all the prophets would be false. That implies to me that there should be true prophets somewhere."

This guy is ready.

Elder Gillies (Pronounced Gill-iss) is, well, a meathead. In a good way though. For those of you in my ward, he is a lot like Austin Miller. For those of you who don't know who that is, Elder Gillies is a friendly, gregarious, giant hunk of man meat. He likes to sing all the time, and with our bass voices, it actually sounds pretty good. He is also a drummer, so we may accidentally vibrate our apartment to the ground.

This week we went down Marysville Main Street. I had no idea this place was so cool. There is a book store, an art museum, a music store, several antique shops, a couple of gift shops, etc. All of them are run by interesting characters. The art museum lady is an unkempt, very liberal, odd duck. She really likes abstract art and she talks really loud. Her old yellow lab is allowed to roam freely.

The music store guy is a lot like an Italian mobster from the forties. I wouldn't be surprised if we was laundering money and smuggling it out through guitars. Real classy guy.

The book store lady is very involved in Marysville. She runs the whole bookstore by herself, and thus is very overworked. She loves her job though.

This week I want to go by the Chinese temple and see what that is like. 

Marysville is ripe already to harvest.

Monday, March 3, 2014

Alligator Jerky and the Son of Kronk

I was on exchanges in Loma Rica and I found this beautiful little package:

It tastes really good. It's like fish and pig at the same time. 

We got transfer calls. Elder Paquette is leaving me. The golden reign of intellectual missionary work is over. 

Luckily, my new companion is a hard worker, from what I hear. His name is Elder Gillies. He was trained by an Elder Sampson, who has lovingly been referred to as Kronk (Kronk is a character from Disney's The Emperor's New Groove), as he is basically indistinguishable. Hopefully he hasn't absorbed all of those traits.
Elder Kronk

I talked to Elder Gillies on the phone last night, and he sounds like a giant Polynesian who could crush and then consume troublesome investigators.  Turns out he is a big white guy who could accomplish the same. 

Most of our investigators cancelled their appointments this week, so it's been a little slow. 

I am currently drinking a soda called Joia Blackberry Pomegranate and Ginger. It tastes like a succulent flower from a jungle country wrapped in a rainbow of dark fruits. Rather pleasant.

It's been raining again. Which is a good thing I guess. This place needs rain. Just makes it really annoying to be outside all day. 

Have a good week!

- Elder Hyde